The year is 2016 and the United States has just elected the first woman,
as President of the United States. A few days after the election the
president-elect called her father in Kentucky and asked, 'So, Dad, I
assume you will be coming to my inauguration?' 
 
'I don't think so. It's a long drive, your mother isn't as young as
she used to be, and my arthritis is acting up again.' 
 
'Don't worry about it Dad, I'll send Air Force One or another support
aircraft to pick you up and take you home, and a limousine will pick you
up at your door.'
'I don't know. Everybody will be so fancy. What would your mother wear?'
'Oh Dad,' she replied, 'I'll make sure she has a wonderful gown
custom-made by one of the best designers in New York.' 
 
'Honey,' Dad complained, 'you know I can't eat those rich foods you and
your friends like to eat.' 
 
The President-elected responded, 'Don't worry Dad. The entire affair is
going to be handled by the best caterer in New York and I'll ensure your
meals are salt free. Dad, I really want you to come.' 
 
So Dad reluctantly agreed and on January 20, 2017, arrived to see his
daughter sworn in as President of the United States.
 
In the front row sits the new president's Dad and Mom.

Dad noticing the senator sitting next to him leans over and whispered, 'You see that woman over there with her hand on the Bible, becoming President of the United States.'

The Senator whispered in reply, 'Yes I do.'

Dad says proudly, 'Her brother played basketball at UK 

I was eating lunch on the 20th of February with my 18-year-old Granddaughter and I asked her, "What day is tomorrow?"

She said "It's President's Day!"

She is a smart kid.

I asked "What does President's Day mean?"

I was waiting for something about Washington or Lincoln etc.

She replied, "President's Day is when President Obama steps out of the White House, and if he sees his shadow we have one more year of unemployment."

You know, it hurts when hot coffee spurts out your nose...

THE TOP 30 THINGS THAT YOU WILL NEVER HEAR A SOUTHERN BOY SAY:

30. When I retire, I'm movin' north.

29. I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.

28. Duct tape won't fix that.

27. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken

26. We don't keep firearms in this house.

25. You can't feed that to the dog.

24. No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe.

23. Wrestling is fake.

22. We're vegetarians.

21. Do you think my gut is too big?

20. I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of biscuits and gravy.

19. Honey, we don't need another dog.

18. Who gives a damn who won the Civil War?

17. Give me the small bag of pork rinds.

16. Too many deer heads detract from the decor.

15. I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today.

14. Trim the fat off that steak.

13. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.

12. The tires on that truck are too big.

11. I've got it all on the C: DRIVE.

10. Unsweetened tea tastes better.

9. My fianci, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.

8. I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.

7. Checkmate

6. She's too young to be wearing a bikini.

5. Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.

4. I don't have a favorite college team.

3. You Guys.

2. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Betty Mae.

AND THE NUMBER ONE THING THAT YOU WILL NEVER HEAR A SOUTHERN BOY SAY:

1. Nope, no more beer for me. I'm driving a whole bus load of us down to re-elect OBAMA